Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
