Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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