I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
