i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Its about making memories worth repressing
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This toilet bowl is my home.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
