I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me