They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too