I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?