any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.