The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit