So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.