I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
