Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize