Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
