what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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