there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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