I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize