be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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