i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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