After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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