saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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