Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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