I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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