He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
