are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
