i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
