I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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