honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
