Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
