so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
