we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
