My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She's the barista slut.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
