around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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