Kiss
Puke
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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