well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
