how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I enjoy the company of your penis
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
