Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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