Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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