i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize