I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
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Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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