He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
