the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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