I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
