Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize