K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
