so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
