tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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