were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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