"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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