quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there was a trapeze. enough said
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
