i don't really know how much tequila is too much
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
