his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
