Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
