AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
