Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
