It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
