I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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