when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
