I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
