Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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