I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
