oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
