I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
