So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
