My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
from now on my penis is your penis
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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