I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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