I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Still dying that you shit outside
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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