She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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